Delicate Arrogance (or they could call it careful confidence)

Delicate Arrogance (or they could call it careful confidence)
4 September 2009

My head is full again. (As if I expected anything less?)
I write this out for clarity for myself. In my written words, God does seem to answer me.
For those who read this, maybe you have some wisdom to share, otherwise, like Job’s friends, just sit there as I reflect out aloud.

I left the ministry in Dec 2008. I still regard myself as a pastor... without youth or a congregation. Each week, I write my Sacred Spaces and do hope they inspire someone.

I wanted to travel and see if I could follow other avenues that interested me. The Music industry: Managing a band or organising music events.

I didn’t leave the church because I was upset or even tired. The break has been good. I guess I left because I felt obedient to God to pack my bags and leave SA. I have been doing my best to go in God’s way this year. I’ve been praying about most aspects of my life and asking God to open doors for me, of where I should go.

I thought it would be good to do something where “my audience” (or focus) is not youth.
But, the odd thing is that for the last 4 months I have been working with kids at an Outdoors Activity Centre (God’s sense of humour?)

As the year has gone by I feel a call within me growing to be a pastor again.

There are many things that call me back to full time ministry:

-Rob Bell
For about 2 years now I have been reading books and listening to podcasts and watching DVDs by this awesome American preacher. I have enjoyed his wisdom and consistency. When I hear him pray and preach and hear what his church is involved in, in the community (world), I can’t help but feel called to be a pastor too. A minister of change

-Justified “To Live”
There was this Christian band that had a song called To Live...and well the lyrics draw closer to my call:

“So reach up and take His hand
And see Him change your life around
That’s all I want for you, is to live, to actually live.”

This God I love and so many others too...is for real. Its time to live for Him and show the world His grace and goodness and love...

-CS Lewis
I just finished reading The Great Divorce. There was a part on page 106. That just challenged me. What if I truly focussed on God? If I looked to Him... If I decided I want to do more of what He wants in my life. If I go now into ministry;
The line from the book is:

“But you and I must be clear. There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.”

-Death of Barry Marshall (recently)
Recently there was this pastor who died. When I was a teenager (19) I was inspired by the way this guy saw the world and how he involved Jesus in it. Because of him, I wanted to be a youth pastor and 9 years later I have been a youth pastor for 8 of those 9 years.
With his death, I feel I need to rise up again and lead His people. The world needs agents of grace. I can be that.

YET:
There is one big thing that stops me. And this is the thing that bugs me a lot.

I’ve been in many social engagements where I have been asked what I did in South Africa or what I have been doing in my life. And my response never seems to be a confident one.
I almost excuse the fact that I was a Youth Pastor.

I was involved with changing the world of some young people (and I still want to excuse it.)

It’s almost as if I am apologetic about working for the church.
I act as if my ministry made no impact. It could seem I am ashamed of Jesus. (I know that’s not the case)
YET when people ask me if I am religious, I reply with “I don’t like the term religious” and maybe try butter up (or smoothen out) what I did as a Youth Pastor.

I know I can see it: (Those who can’t are ignorant and rather stubborn.) The world is hurt. The world needs a clear truth. The world needs a Saviour. Why am I walking away from that?

You see this is where the delicate arrogance comes in:
Surely I should see my job as a youth pastor (minister) as critical. As one of the most important jobs in the world

Yes, the world may not recognize it, but they live according to one reality. A warped one
As Christ followers, it’s as if we live in 2 realities or more a merger of two.
And I have seen evidence of God. His created world speaks so loud to me. The diversity of beauty and people...

I never want to be proud of arrogant but I want to back into ministry when I am unashamed of my belief in Jesus and working in the church among young people and older ones too.
There are many pastors out there. BUT how many good (real) pastors are there out there?
And dare I to be arrogant, but by the grace of God, if I set my life and heart to this... I want to go with Him and change the world.

EXTRA:

A thought about my focus:
I thought it would be healthy for me to change focus and not work with teens but rather among adults.
BUT maybe I am fighting a call. As some are called to be teachers and work with that age group maybe I need to work with young people.
And maybe that adds an importance because I am with young people, coaching and inspiring them in their critical years of development.
And look through the bible. God used young people. (It’s almost as if I have this stubbornness to work with adults only.) BUT God can use me effectively with young people and in turn a whole church. So in a sense my little argument is rather pointless.
I am child like too and don’t want that taken away from me when I have to focus solely on “matters of consequence” (a reference to The Little Prince.)

A thought on other things I wanted to try:

1) Event Organising. As a youth pastor I will get to plan some pretty big things in time.
2) Music Industry. Who knows with God’s influence I could be involved with planning huge music fests.
3) Writing. With the avenue of the Church I will get a chance to publish some books.


So after writing this I feel I have more clarity about my calling into ministry.