Up to now

Up to now

12 January 2009

Call this a journal entry, call this comedy, call this drama…or rather just dial prank phone calls and read on…

So now I find myself 12 days into a new way of a life, a new year, a new chapter and new observations about myself, life and faith.

I was falling asleep but had to get up and write this. This is no teenage “dear diary” because “Diary” would be an unfortunate name to have.

When I ponder my goals for coming to UK, I knew God asked me to leave my beloved country of SA to explore His world. Yes, this whole world still belongs to Him and He is everywhere, but how our finite minds tend to lose track of that.

Day 1: 1^st Jan 2009… I find myself pondering in the airport waiting for my flight to Heathrow after having the awesome opportunity of getting out the airport and seeing the incredible infrastructure of Dubai.

I got to see some of the Dubai Greats: Fancy hotels, drove on one of the Psalm Islands and noticed the cleanliness of this wonderful Arabian country.

Comic moment: “My dear family and friends, why did you not tell me that I looked like a drug dealer wearing a beenie?” haha! But thankfully, the good God was on my side and the Dubai Customs let me out of their airport.

The words of POD came to my “my soul is alive and so are you” as I waited for the connecting flight.

Day 7, “choo choo” goes the train (cheesy, but you’re still reading aren’t you…) and I look out the window, it feels like I’m in a fairytale: the snow looks so pretty on the ground and on the roofs of some of the houses.

The day before I found myself declining a job, at the interview I knew God didn’t send me across the world to do a very similar thing to what I did in East London (South Africa) last year… because in that case, I would have gladly continue serving Him there.

So this is the “free falling” that Ken, my awesome minister and colleague spoke over me.

Classic, golf greens that are not green at all, but instead… all snowed in J

And I sit here thinking again (choo choo), all the voices of my caring and concerned friends… but God through it all I want to hear Your voice. Speak in that familiar voice of Yours please.

What do I do now? How do I feel significant in “this big machine of London” (quoted from a good friend)

Last year, each day (most of them, for real) I woke up knowing that my life was about making a difference in other people’s lives and now I feel “on hold” and trying to work this all out?

Yet this has only been 12 days of my life here… and I sense some dark nights of my soul… oh Light, light up that lamp at my feet, that you promised. Maybe my worth comes now not in what I do, but in who I am, your beloved child, yes, You still see me here on this road in this huge place.

I am the “wondering wanderer” that’s the words you spoke to my heart. I am here to know that my worth never came from what I did; I have come to live here, because you asked me to… teach me to trust, teach me to hold onto hope.

Picture Perfect: the oldness is pretty; the “deadness” of nature at this moment looks stunning and full of promise.

Day 12, POD lyrics are in my head from Saturday “Every day is a new day, I’m thankful for every breath that I take, I won’t take it for granted”

To survive, You and I will always have our time together, okay? You are my heartbeat, literally!

I look back, all adventures have a sense of confusion and chaos, and an element of fear, but… Oh my God, the views are so worth it, the friends who walk with us. Thank You!

It may seem so simple: but my friends bought me draws for my clothes, God, this hospitality shows that You are with me, and always going ahead.

Sitting in a pub, laughing with friends, a moment so worth it.

God, thank you for what is to come… The pain, the glory… each day… I want you to know, I will love you, I will talk to you and as I rest my head… I want to be able to say, I worshipped my Good God.

So to all of you (and I’m talking to myself) look for beauty in a world where a pee costs 30p and a loaf of bread is like 65p. (Either I have gold inside of me or that bread is really unhealthy? haha) Interesting times are ahead indeed!