Yes, just go and blame it on God (that's rather pathetic!)
1st November 2009
Ha, you could call this my angry script. But my anger seems justified in some way.
I was in the dining hall the other day talking with some colleagues and in our conversation this thought simply dawned on me.
There is that question: “If there is a good God, why is there such pain in the world?”
I think that is one of the biggest ones against people becoming Christians.
The world has people who are poor, who are hungry and people who are hurt.
And non believers have the nerve to blame God for it all.
BUT in fact the blame falls on all people- both Christians and non believers alike.
Because of our selfishness, because we think that the world revolves around us; that results in the world being in pain, crime and loss. Because we are just so damn self centred!
So don’t be pathetic and blame it on God or His people...
If you are a human with a heart...it is then your role to care for the world too. Don’t just put it in the hands of God and point fingers at Him.
It’s that simple. All of humanity can pull their own weight and care for the world around them.
I can’t believe I only thought of this now. No one in fact has the grounds to direct that question to God anymore. God is caring. And He’s entrusted humankind to care for the world around them.
Are we failing our responsibility? So take off the labels you give: atheist, non believer, Christian, other religion follower...
If you are human it is your duty to care for the world around you.
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Thursday, 12 November 2009
To write love on her arms
To write love on her arms
13 November 2009
The Inspiration:
I saw an invite to an event on Facebook called: To Write Love on Her Arm. I read the details of it and was moved and felt inspired to write this:
My artistry:
She sat on the end of her bed…with the blade between fingers resting on her wrist.
She thought of the night before. Another night where she gave part of herself away…
She sat there, waiting to hear from him. He would never call. She sat there and imagined the word: USED tattooed on her wrist. And then she dug the blade in and cut…
She remembered a time walking the streets of the busy town. She recalled the flashing lights and loud music of the packed club. She reminded herself of how among all those people, she felt unnoticed. And in her mind’s eye flashed the word: LONELY on her wrist. And it hurt as the shiny blade cut through her skin…
She was in their stories. She heard their mocking laughter. She saw that they had backstabbed her. She sat in her bathroom with her tears. How could this have happened? She felt betrayed. And as she cut a line in her wrist, she dreamed the word: HURT on her arm…
She stood in the shadows of the late night in the kitchen. It was quite in her house yet that noise seemed so loud. She replayed how her parents had screamed at her earlier that day. She put her free hand on her face where he had hit her. She thought that this bottle would take the pain away. But as the blade pierced into her skin she noted that the pain had not been numbed; and in her intoxicated state she saw the word: MISUNDERSTOOD on her arm…
She tried looking into the future. She felt overwhelmed. She saw obstacles. She heard echoes from the past. Echoes that whispered doubt in her ear. She cried as she did what she knew best… the blade sliced a red line through her skin…and in delirium she noted the word: SCARED on her wrist.
She stood in front of the mirror. She hated herself. She saw that she didn’t look good in that dress. She followed the latest trend and saw she disliked her new haircut. Fashion always left her feeling empty and out of touch. She took a pill. She told a joke. She looked this way just for them. But she still felt the same within. She slashed the blade with ease and hate into her arm…and she saw the word INSECURE engraved in her wrist.
She had lost a lot of blood. She heard in a far away distance the racing siren. She heard muffled voices. In her unconsciousness she saw the words flood through her mind: USED, LONELY. HURT, MISUNDERSTOOD, SCARED, INSECURE. She stirred as she lay there.
In this moment it didn’t matter what was happening on the outside of her eyelids.
She saw these words scatter against something she could not describe: U D N R T N E D O S C D N E R… and now these letters were useless on their own. She was having a vision she had never expected. She saw a man with kind saving eyes. A kindness that the world had not given… She noted this man’s arms were wide open. He was pressed up against a weapon of torture.
She saw blood flow from his wrists where the rusty nails had pierced. As he hung there in agony, there was something mighty about this man. She then focused in on the palm of his hand and saw something she would never forget. She saw her name engraved in His hands. He smiled at her. She just knew inside that this man knew exactly how she was feeling. He then whispered in her conscience “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” (a)
She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulder yet even more than that. A weight had been lifted off her heart. He then gasped one final breath saying “It is finished!”
In that moment she knew those words were true. She knew that her hurt, fears and loneliness could be and would be eased and taken away…
She heard the machine that was attached to her. She heard the murmurs of those around her. She felt the softness of the hospital sheets on which she lay. She felt the brightness of the light in the room as her eyes started to flicker open. She was waking. She felt a definite new hope in her heart.
With her eyes open she looked down to her wrists. Where the scars were from the cutting, written over them she saw the word: LOVE
…To write love on her arms THE END
FOOTNOTES:
a) Isaiah 49: 16
13 November 2009
The Inspiration:
I saw an invite to an event on Facebook called: To Write Love on Her Arm. I read the details of it and was moved and felt inspired to write this:
My artistry:
She sat on the end of her bed…with the blade between fingers resting on her wrist.
She thought of the night before. Another night where she gave part of herself away…
She sat there, waiting to hear from him. He would never call. She sat there and imagined the word: USED tattooed on her wrist. And then she dug the blade in and cut…
She remembered a time walking the streets of the busy town. She recalled the flashing lights and loud music of the packed club. She reminded herself of how among all those people, she felt unnoticed. And in her mind’s eye flashed the word: LONELY on her wrist. And it hurt as the shiny blade cut through her skin…
She was in their stories. She heard their mocking laughter. She saw that they had backstabbed her. She sat in her bathroom with her tears. How could this have happened? She felt betrayed. And as she cut a line in her wrist, she dreamed the word: HURT on her arm…
She stood in the shadows of the late night in the kitchen. It was quite in her house yet that noise seemed so loud. She replayed how her parents had screamed at her earlier that day. She put her free hand on her face where he had hit her. She thought that this bottle would take the pain away. But as the blade pierced into her skin she noted that the pain had not been numbed; and in her intoxicated state she saw the word: MISUNDERSTOOD on her arm…
She tried looking into the future. She felt overwhelmed. She saw obstacles. She heard echoes from the past. Echoes that whispered doubt in her ear. She cried as she did what she knew best… the blade sliced a red line through her skin…and in delirium she noted the word: SCARED on her wrist.
She stood in front of the mirror. She hated herself. She saw that she didn’t look good in that dress. She followed the latest trend and saw she disliked her new haircut. Fashion always left her feeling empty and out of touch. She took a pill. She told a joke. She looked this way just for them. But she still felt the same within. She slashed the blade with ease and hate into her arm…and she saw the word INSECURE engraved in her wrist.
She had lost a lot of blood. She heard in a far away distance the racing siren. She heard muffled voices. In her unconsciousness she saw the words flood through her mind: USED, LONELY. HURT, MISUNDERSTOOD, SCARED, INSECURE. She stirred as she lay there.
In this moment it didn’t matter what was happening on the outside of her eyelids.
She saw these words scatter against something she could not describe: U D N R T N E D O S C D N E R… and now these letters were useless on their own. She was having a vision she had never expected. She saw a man with kind saving eyes. A kindness that the world had not given… She noted this man’s arms were wide open. He was pressed up against a weapon of torture.
She saw blood flow from his wrists where the rusty nails had pierced. As he hung there in agony, there was something mighty about this man. She then focused in on the palm of his hand and saw something she would never forget. She saw her name engraved in His hands. He smiled at her. She just knew inside that this man knew exactly how she was feeling. He then whispered in her conscience “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” (a)
She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulder yet even more than that. A weight had been lifted off her heart. He then gasped one final breath saying “It is finished!”
In that moment she knew those words were true. She knew that her hurt, fears and loneliness could be and would be eased and taken away…
She heard the machine that was attached to her. She heard the murmurs of those around her. She felt the softness of the hospital sheets on which she lay. She felt the brightness of the light in the room as her eyes started to flicker open. She was waking. She felt a definite new hope in her heart.
With her eyes open she looked down to her wrists. Where the scars were from the cutting, written over them she saw the word: LOVE
…To write love on her arms THE END
FOOTNOTES:
a) Isaiah 49: 16
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Sacred Spaces 215 – The Host (the need for the 2nd part to the Sermon)
Sacred Spaces 215 – The Host (the need for the 2nd part to the Sermon)
5th October 2009
So I’m almost finished reading The Host by Stephenie Meyer (Author of Twilight Saga) and I got this thought... this similarity idea:
The basic plot of The Host is of a human body that has been taken over by a “soul” who inhabits the body. The twist is that the human “personality and memory” of that human body has not left the body. So the tension and joy of the story is hearing (reading) the internal dialogue between the new inserted soul and the previous human memory. In the raw sense: 2 people sharing one human body. (Got it yet?)
The book started off slow but I have actually ended up really enjoying it. I thought of a similarity between The Host and our very own lives.
When we become a Christ Follower (Christian) we accept Jesus to be Lord of our lives. We’ve heard other Christians say: We ask Jesus into our lives. Or Jesus enters our hearts.
So the truth is: Jesus does come and inhabit our body and mind and soul.
So I guess the “battle” of the Christian life is to surrender to Jesus within. It shouldn’t be a battle, but if we’re honest we all struggle with “handing over” our lives to Jesus. The idea of letting go is pretty scary for each of us.
I do like these 2 appropriate verses:
Proverbs 4: 23 “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.”
I like that a lot. Jesus lives in our hearts. What a beautiful treasure we have within. And what lengths are you willing to go to protect your heart and more importantly live from your heart? And let Jesus be your guide?
1 John 4: 4 “You dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”
This verse reminds and affirms us that Jesus is the greater power that lives in each of us.
I then had a thought today whilst sitting in a small church.
I’ve heard lots of sermons (you too probably) about: how we must be living sacrifices for God (Romans 12:1, 2), slaves to God (Romans 6: 22), seek first His Kingdom (Matthew 6: 33) and serving one another (John 13: 16, 17). Yes, we need to surrender our lives and our wills to Jesus, but you and I need a part 2 to that sermon. What does that look like for you, everyday?
(Care to share your ideas with me and others at my BLOG: http://darrelblog.blogspot.com/
Leave a comment below my posted Sacred Space)
How do you live out this Christianity in your life?
As a teacher, artist, engineer, accountant, receptionist, shop assistant, home keeper, student, unemployed, businessman, journalist, surfer, musician, lonely, confident, a mess, scared, or someone brave or anybody else not in these mentioned categories... how do you live out your faith?
How do you daily surrender to Jesus? How are you the slave to God and living sacrifice we are called to be?
That intrigues me... I want to know of our Jesus being relevant in 2009. What do you do to surrender to Jesus? This is the Part 2 of the sermon that I’m talking about. I’m so often tempted to stand up or raise my hand, and ask the preacher, how he proposes that we surrender to Jesus in our everyday lives. (And turn the one way sermon into a group discussion – a sort of cell group atmosphere. Instead of being spoon fed, the people of God who begin to wrestle with mere Christianity)
You and I need something practical.
I do have some of my own ideas of how I include Jesus in my everyday life. (I am far from having it altogether, but I do press on and try my best.)
I wake up, quietly thanking God for a new day. On the way to the dining hall, I look up at the sky and just admire God for his beauty. I be positive and not swear around my colleagues. I treat the guests that we deal with each day with excellence. (If I can, I help them overcome their fears of height.) I read a little daily devotional each day. I say a little prayer before starting off my day. And I constantly talk to God throughout the day.
These are some of the ways I surrender to Jesus. How about you?
We need the part 2 of the sermon. We need to let Jesus be the Lord of our lives; because I know it will be worth it.
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
(2 Corinthians 4: 7-9)
5th October 2009
So I’m almost finished reading The Host by Stephenie Meyer (Author of Twilight Saga) and I got this thought... this similarity idea:
The basic plot of The Host is of a human body that has been taken over by a “soul” who inhabits the body. The twist is that the human “personality and memory” of that human body has not left the body. So the tension and joy of the story is hearing (reading) the internal dialogue between the new inserted soul and the previous human memory. In the raw sense: 2 people sharing one human body. (Got it yet?)
The book started off slow but I have actually ended up really enjoying it. I thought of a similarity between The Host and our very own lives.
When we become a Christ Follower (Christian) we accept Jesus to be Lord of our lives. We’ve heard other Christians say: We ask Jesus into our lives. Or Jesus enters our hearts.
So the truth is: Jesus does come and inhabit our body and mind and soul.
So I guess the “battle” of the Christian life is to surrender to Jesus within. It shouldn’t be a battle, but if we’re honest we all struggle with “handing over” our lives to Jesus. The idea of letting go is pretty scary for each of us.
I do like these 2 appropriate verses:
Proverbs 4: 23 “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.”
I like that a lot. Jesus lives in our hearts. What a beautiful treasure we have within. And what lengths are you willing to go to protect your heart and more importantly live from your heart? And let Jesus be your guide?
1 John 4: 4 “You dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”
This verse reminds and affirms us that Jesus is the greater power that lives in each of us.
I then had a thought today whilst sitting in a small church.
I’ve heard lots of sermons (you too probably) about: how we must be living sacrifices for God (Romans 12:1, 2), slaves to God (Romans 6: 22), seek first His Kingdom (Matthew 6: 33) and serving one another (John 13: 16, 17). Yes, we need to surrender our lives and our wills to Jesus, but you and I need a part 2 to that sermon. What does that look like for you, everyday?
(Care to share your ideas with me and others at my BLOG: http://darrelblog.blogspot.com/
Leave a comment below my posted Sacred Space)
How do you live out this Christianity in your life?
As a teacher, artist, engineer, accountant, receptionist, shop assistant, home keeper, student, unemployed, businessman, journalist, surfer, musician, lonely, confident, a mess, scared, or someone brave or anybody else not in these mentioned categories... how do you live out your faith?
How do you daily surrender to Jesus? How are you the slave to God and living sacrifice we are called to be?
That intrigues me... I want to know of our Jesus being relevant in 2009. What do you do to surrender to Jesus? This is the Part 2 of the sermon that I’m talking about. I’m so often tempted to stand up or raise my hand, and ask the preacher, how he proposes that we surrender to Jesus in our everyday lives. (And turn the one way sermon into a group discussion – a sort of cell group atmosphere. Instead of being spoon fed, the people of God who begin to wrestle with mere Christianity)
You and I need something practical.
I do have some of my own ideas of how I include Jesus in my everyday life. (I am far from having it altogether, but I do press on and try my best.)
I wake up, quietly thanking God for a new day. On the way to the dining hall, I look up at the sky and just admire God for his beauty. I be positive and not swear around my colleagues. I treat the guests that we deal with each day with excellence. (If I can, I help them overcome their fears of height.) I read a little daily devotional each day. I say a little prayer before starting off my day. And I constantly talk to God throughout the day.
These are some of the ways I surrender to Jesus. How about you?
We need the part 2 of the sermon. We need to let Jesus be the Lord of our lives; because I know it will be worth it.
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
(2 Corinthians 4: 7-9)
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Inside of you
Inside of you
24 September 2009
You waited here, waiting to be discovered
Words are what you bring
Imagination is what you create
And, you speak of another world
It’s like I have 2 worlds to live in
Packing my imagination as I come visit you
Each day, you turned me into a day dreamer
Again, I wonder what will happen there
It’s like a world of secret information
That only the page turners would discover
And a spirit of truth that would teach me new
Things, so what will u say when I come again?
It’s like you arrived in my life at the right
Time, throwing ideas that make
Me, find myself among the words and
Characters… this is fiction
Or could this be real?
24 September 2009
You waited here, waiting to be discovered
Words are what you bring
Imagination is what you create
And, you speak of another world
It’s like I have 2 worlds to live in
Packing my imagination as I come visit you
Each day, you turned me into a day dreamer
Again, I wonder what will happen there
It’s like a world of secret information
That only the page turners would discover
And a spirit of truth that would teach me new
Things, so what will u say when I come again?
It’s like you arrived in my life at the right
Time, throwing ideas that make
Me, find myself among the words and
Characters… this is fiction
Or could this be real?
Waiting
Waiting
21 September 2009
I see you inside of me
See you on the horizon
I daydream of that day, when you and I will meet
I want to turn the pages quicker,
But God knows I need to appreciate each page
To soak in every word and live for each moment
But I wish I could send a letter to you over there
But what would your address be?
It’s an emotion, to be wishing
But tension in needing to be waiting
I saw a beautiful sunset today
The array of colours made me feel good
Like a sign of His hand in each chapter
I am grateful for each scene, moment and memory
I replay a line from a familiar song:
“Hello my friend, it’s been awhile, so where should we begin”
I wait and I live now.
21 September 2009
I see you inside of me
See you on the horizon
I daydream of that day, when you and I will meet
I want to turn the pages quicker,
But God knows I need to appreciate each page
To soak in every word and live for each moment
But I wish I could send a letter to you over there
But what would your address be?
It’s an emotion, to be wishing
But tension in needing to be waiting
I saw a beautiful sunset today
The array of colours made me feel good
Like a sign of His hand in each chapter
I am grateful for each scene, moment and memory
I replay a line from a familiar song:
“Hello my friend, it’s been awhile, so where should we begin”
I wait and I live now.
Monday, 14 September 2009
Giving up to God
Giving up to God
14 September 2009
I have these moments when I know so sincerely inside of me that giving up to God is so worth it. I think the truth depth and art of Christianity is to surrender to our Living God and Father. To the world, this is ludicrous… to give up your life. But maybe it also stems from a place of fear. It would be the bravest thing, to full believe in God and thus trust Him with your life and surrender to Him. (And yet we have this warped sense that surrender is a bad thing, and that God is some mean deity that wants to destroy our lives. Ignorant people, please get that wrong idea out of your heads!)
I look at my life. I battle between me and God. I follow my own desires and lusts. I then realize they leave me stranded, confused and back at the beginning of this life circle I live. Round and round, I get dizzy from doing the same old things.
I want out, I need God. Occasionally I daydream, seeing how awesome it would be to just give up to God.
His way is, will and shall be perfect. One day, I will be less stubborn.
14 September 2009
I have these moments when I know so sincerely inside of me that giving up to God is so worth it. I think the truth depth and art of Christianity is to surrender to our Living God and Father. To the world, this is ludicrous… to give up your life. But maybe it also stems from a place of fear. It would be the bravest thing, to full believe in God and thus trust Him with your life and surrender to Him. (And yet we have this warped sense that surrender is a bad thing, and that God is some mean deity that wants to destroy our lives. Ignorant people, please get that wrong idea out of your heads!)
I look at my life. I battle between me and God. I follow my own desires and lusts. I then realize they leave me stranded, confused and back at the beginning of this life circle I live. Round and round, I get dizzy from doing the same old things.
I want out, I need God. Occasionally I daydream, seeing how awesome it would be to just give up to God.
His way is, will and shall be perfect. One day, I will be less stubborn.
Angel or man (a story of rescue and grace)
Angel or man (a story of grace)
14 September 2009
I heard this story from my friend last night and I just wanted to share it with you.
He told me:
In London at one of the Underground stations, a young mom, with a baby and a toddler was boarding the train, first lifting her pram onto the train. All of a sudden, her little toddler fell between the platform and the train… tragic.
But just as sudden as her child fell, a man instantly jumped down, rescued her child.
And then the man disappeared into the crowd, not to be seen again.
He didn’t stick around for applause or thank yous. I got goose bumps when I heard the story. Was it a man or was it one of God’s angels?
I like the idea of God’s angels walking among us common folk.
Yet if it was a man, the story still remains a beautiful rescue story. God helps his people.
14 September 2009
I heard this story from my friend last night and I just wanted to share it with you.
He told me:
In London at one of the Underground stations, a young mom, with a baby and a toddler was boarding the train, first lifting her pram onto the train. All of a sudden, her little toddler fell between the platform and the train… tragic.
But just as sudden as her child fell, a man instantly jumped down, rescued her child.
And then the man disappeared into the crowd, not to be seen again.
He didn’t stick around for applause or thank yous. I got goose bumps when I heard the story. Was it a man or was it one of God’s angels?
I like the idea of God’s angels walking among us common folk.
Yet if it was a man, the story still remains a beautiful rescue story. God helps his people.
Touched by love
Touched by love
14 September 2009
Last night I was at church at Hillsong London. The girl behind me dropped her cellphone under my chair. During the song I was singing she tapped my shoulder, I turned around, and she grabbed my hand, and asked me to grab her phone for her.
The thing is; the warmth of her touch was so loving and moving.
After that I couldn’t focus for short while. Through a stranger, God gave me a foretaste of what I can look forward to.
The touch of love
The girl that I will end up with one day, her first touch, with just the grab of my hand, shall send tingles through my body. I look forward to love.
14 September 2009
Last night I was at church at Hillsong London. The girl behind me dropped her cellphone under my chair. During the song I was singing she tapped my shoulder, I turned around, and she grabbed my hand, and asked me to grab her phone for her.
The thing is; the warmth of her touch was so loving and moving.
After that I couldn’t focus for short while. Through a stranger, God gave me a foretaste of what I can look forward to.
The touch of love
The girl that I will end up with one day, her first touch, with just the grab of my hand, shall send tingles through my body. I look forward to love.
10 years back (or just one)
10 years back (1 year back)
14 September 2009
Last night I was at Hillsong London celebrating their 10th year as a church in London.
I thought of where I was 10 years ago. 19 and still rather ignorant; and in a very different place as to where I am now… I hadn’t even started serving God as a youth pastor back then, yet God had planted something (His call) deep in my heart back then already.
In 10 years, I have seen a lot, experienced a lot. And I am mostly confident to say I have done my best, lived well in most avenues of my life. And truth is I have learnt a lot. Yet in many places I am still in a classroom of life. But to have done these last 10 years with God has been so worth it.
I do too have a smaller time frame that I use to ponder and reflect where I currently am in my life. I look back a year. Where was I a year ago? What was I thinking about? Did I know I would be where I am now a year ago? Doing this exercise has helped me appreciate where I am and where I have been… and just gives me a sense of being on a great adventure with God.
God, thank you for all you have done in my life and the blessings you have poured out on this sinful (yet forgiven) soul.
14 September 2009
Last night I was at Hillsong London celebrating their 10th year as a church in London.
I thought of where I was 10 years ago. 19 and still rather ignorant; and in a very different place as to where I am now… I hadn’t even started serving God as a youth pastor back then, yet God had planted something (His call) deep in my heart back then already.
In 10 years, I have seen a lot, experienced a lot. And I am mostly confident to say I have done my best, lived well in most avenues of my life. And truth is I have learnt a lot. Yet in many places I am still in a classroom of life. But to have done these last 10 years with God has been so worth it.
I do too have a smaller time frame that I use to ponder and reflect where I currently am in my life. I look back a year. Where was I a year ago? What was I thinking about? Did I know I would be where I am now a year ago? Doing this exercise has helped me appreciate where I am and where I have been… and just gives me a sense of being on a great adventure with God.
God, thank you for all you have done in my life and the blessings you have poured out on this sinful (yet forgiven) soul.
Saturday, 12 September 2009
All I got was this keyring
All I got was this keyring
13 September 2009
So I promised God I would write this. God is working in the everyday things and parts of our lives. I have to share this for myself to ponder yet more to hopefully inspire you to see God in the details of your own life.
So recently, I went for an interview with a pretty big Ski Season Company (will keep them Unnamed for respect’s sake.)
Well, 2 weeks have gone by since that interview, sadly I have been unsuccessful in getting a job with the company.
Hmmm, the cynical look: so I went to an interview. And never mind “been there got the t-shirt” I can say instead “been there, got a sticker and this key ring” Yet that is pretty cool actually! I do actually collect key rings. And I like putting trendy stickers on my laptop too.
So how was God in all of this? Well I was sitting in my room one afternoon and I got a call on my phone. (I hardly get calls...haha, my sad life) And this company ask me to come for an interview on the following Monday.
Turns out I had leave from that following Wednesday for a week because of my Belgium trip. Would my employing company give me that Monday off?
I begged and pleaded with the Management and I got that day off. (My persistence reminded me of the Parable of the Persistent Widow.) See Luke 18: 1-
Then it turns out that someone else from my centre (where I work) was also going for the interview. So God provided transport for me too.
After a long drive there, squeezing in a hair cut, I get to the really well led interview. The ski industry got me excited. We were told that out of 220 applicants only 30 people got selected for the interviews. (That’s a pretty good achievement!) Thank you God for an ego boost (haha)
Thing is, in the room with the four members of management of that Ski Company, where I was being interviewed... they said, my name was actually on the reserve list to come for an interview. Wow, was that the hand of God getting me through on this day. (Yes, I believe so)
Also the confidence I had in answering the questions during the interview. (“God alone is my rock and my refuge” – Psalm 18)
I thought I may have had this job in the bag. But sadly 2 weeks later, I don’t. YET I do have a job with another Ski company. So you may wonder why God sent me to the first interview.
And I think of possible reasons could be:
(I love the way our finite minds try to put God in a box and understand Him completely)
Maybe we should embrace the beauty is His mystery.
i) Maybe God wanted to show me He has His hand in the affairs of my life. I must just trust Him.
ii) Maybe the confidence I gained from that first interview needed to be carried onto my 2nd interview, where in fact I walked out of that interview, having a peace that I had the job.
iii) Or maybe my presence or my “Jesus” nature (hopefully) spilled into the lives of the people I met on the way / at that interview. Who knows?
Yet, now with this job I have with this particular company I feel very peaceful about it. I also feel very excited. I feel that God may want me there to see a certain beauty of His: the splendour of the French Alps or to impact someone’s life. Or maybe for me just to enjoy an adventure whilst learning to ski and snow board. Yet all along in these moments and memories of my life, God is growing a call and a hunger to serve Him in this world.
I am always comforted by the verse:
Romans 8: 28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Some things in our lives happen for reasons we may not at present understand or clearly see why, but I believe for those who love God and are not shamed to call him: Father, He works for the good of us in all situations that life brings us.
Thank you for reading.
13 September 2009
So I promised God I would write this. God is working in the everyday things and parts of our lives. I have to share this for myself to ponder yet more to hopefully inspire you to see God in the details of your own life.
So recently, I went for an interview with a pretty big Ski Season Company (will keep them Unnamed for respect’s sake.)
Well, 2 weeks have gone by since that interview, sadly I have been unsuccessful in getting a job with the company.
Hmmm, the cynical look: so I went to an interview. And never mind “been there got the t-shirt” I can say instead “been there, got a sticker and this key ring” Yet that is pretty cool actually! I do actually collect key rings. And I like putting trendy stickers on my laptop too.
So how was God in all of this? Well I was sitting in my room one afternoon and I got a call on my phone. (I hardly get calls...haha, my sad life) And this company ask me to come for an interview on the following Monday.
Turns out I had leave from that following Wednesday for a week because of my Belgium trip. Would my employing company give me that Monday off?
I begged and pleaded with the Management and I got that day off. (My persistence reminded me of the Parable of the Persistent Widow.) See Luke 18: 1-
Then it turns out that someone else from my centre (where I work) was also going for the interview. So God provided transport for me too.
After a long drive there, squeezing in a hair cut, I get to the really well led interview. The ski industry got me excited. We were told that out of 220 applicants only 30 people got selected for the interviews. (That’s a pretty good achievement!) Thank you God for an ego boost (haha)
Thing is, in the room with the four members of management of that Ski Company, where I was being interviewed... they said, my name was actually on the reserve list to come for an interview. Wow, was that the hand of God getting me through on this day. (Yes, I believe so)
Also the confidence I had in answering the questions during the interview. (“God alone is my rock and my refuge” – Psalm 18)
I thought I may have had this job in the bag. But sadly 2 weeks later, I don’t. YET I do have a job with another Ski company. So you may wonder why God sent me to the first interview.
And I think of possible reasons could be:
(I love the way our finite minds try to put God in a box and understand Him completely)
Maybe we should embrace the beauty is His mystery.
i) Maybe God wanted to show me He has His hand in the affairs of my life. I must just trust Him.
ii) Maybe the confidence I gained from that first interview needed to be carried onto my 2nd interview, where in fact I walked out of that interview, having a peace that I had the job.
iii) Or maybe my presence or my “Jesus” nature (hopefully) spilled into the lives of the people I met on the way / at that interview. Who knows?
Yet, now with this job I have with this particular company I feel very peaceful about it. I also feel very excited. I feel that God may want me there to see a certain beauty of His: the splendour of the French Alps or to impact someone’s life. Or maybe for me just to enjoy an adventure whilst learning to ski and snow board. Yet all along in these moments and memories of my life, God is growing a call and a hunger to serve Him in this world.
I am always comforted by the verse:
Romans 8: 28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Some things in our lives happen for reasons we may not at present understand or clearly see why, but I believe for those who love God and are not shamed to call him: Father, He works for the good of us in all situations that life brings us.
Thank you for reading.
Sunday, 6 September 2009
Delicate Arrogance (or they could call it careful confidence)
Delicate Arrogance (or they could call it careful confidence)
4 September 2009
My head is full again. (As if I expected anything less?)
I write this out for clarity for myself. In my written words, God does seem to answer me.
For those who read this, maybe you have some wisdom to share, otherwise, like Job’s friends, just sit there as I reflect out aloud.
I left the ministry in Dec 2008. I still regard myself as a pastor... without youth or a congregation. Each week, I write my Sacred Spaces and do hope they inspire someone.
I wanted to travel and see if I could follow other avenues that interested me. The Music industry: Managing a band or organising music events.
I didn’t leave the church because I was upset or even tired. The break has been good. I guess I left because I felt obedient to God to pack my bags and leave SA. I have been doing my best to go in God’s way this year. I’ve been praying about most aspects of my life and asking God to open doors for me, of where I should go.
I thought it would be good to do something where “my audience” (or focus) is not youth.
But, the odd thing is that for the last 4 months I have been working with kids at an Outdoors Activity Centre (God’s sense of humour?)
As the year has gone by I feel a call within me growing to be a pastor again.
There are many things that call me back to full time ministry:
-Rob Bell
For about 2 years now I have been reading books and listening to podcasts and watching DVDs by this awesome American preacher. I have enjoyed his wisdom and consistency. When I hear him pray and preach and hear what his church is involved in, in the community (world), I can’t help but feel called to be a pastor too. A minister of change
-Justified “To Live”
There was this Christian band that had a song called To Live...and well the lyrics draw closer to my call:
“So reach up and take His hand
And see Him change your life around
That’s all I want for you, is to live, to actually live.”
This God I love and so many others too...is for real. Its time to live for Him and show the world His grace and goodness and love...
-CS Lewis
I just finished reading The Great Divorce. There was a part on page 106. That just challenged me. What if I truly focussed on God? If I looked to Him... If I decided I want to do more of what He wants in my life. If I go now into ministry;
The line from the book is:
“But you and I must be clear. There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.”
-Death of Barry Marshall (recently)
Recently there was this pastor who died. When I was a teenager (19) I was inspired by the way this guy saw the world and how he involved Jesus in it. Because of him, I wanted to be a youth pastor and 9 years later I have been a youth pastor for 8 of those 9 years.
With his death, I feel I need to rise up again and lead His people. The world needs agents of grace. I can be that.
YET:
There is one big thing that stops me. And this is the thing that bugs me a lot.
I’ve been in many social engagements where I have been asked what I did in South Africa or what I have been doing in my life. And my response never seems to be a confident one.
I almost excuse the fact that I was a Youth Pastor.
I was involved with changing the world of some young people (and I still want to excuse it.)
It’s almost as if I am apologetic about working for the church.
I act as if my ministry made no impact. It could seem I am ashamed of Jesus. (I know that’s not the case)
YET when people ask me if I am religious, I reply with “I don’t like the term religious” and maybe try butter up (or smoothen out) what I did as a Youth Pastor.
I know I can see it: (Those who can’t are ignorant and rather stubborn.) The world is hurt. The world needs a clear truth. The world needs a Saviour. Why am I walking away from that?
You see this is where the delicate arrogance comes in:
Surely I should see my job as a youth pastor (minister) as critical. As one of the most important jobs in the world
Yes, the world may not recognize it, but they live according to one reality. A warped one
As Christ followers, it’s as if we live in 2 realities or more a merger of two.
And I have seen evidence of God. His created world speaks so loud to me. The diversity of beauty and people...
I never want to be proud of arrogant but I want to back into ministry when I am unashamed of my belief in Jesus and working in the church among young people and older ones too.
There are many pastors out there. BUT how many good (real) pastors are there out there?
And dare I to be arrogant, but by the grace of God, if I set my life and heart to this... I want to go with Him and change the world.
EXTRA:
A thought about my focus:
I thought it would be healthy for me to change focus and not work with teens but rather among adults.
BUT maybe I am fighting a call. As some are called to be teachers and work with that age group maybe I need to work with young people.
And maybe that adds an importance because I am with young people, coaching and inspiring them in their critical years of development.
And look through the bible. God used young people. (It’s almost as if I have this stubbornness to work with adults only.) BUT God can use me effectively with young people and in turn a whole church. So in a sense my little argument is rather pointless.
I am child like too and don’t want that taken away from me when I have to focus solely on “matters of consequence” (a reference to The Little Prince.)
A thought on other things I wanted to try:
1) Event Organising. As a youth pastor I will get to plan some pretty big things in time.
2) Music Industry. Who knows with God’s influence I could be involved with planning huge music fests.
3) Writing. With the avenue of the Church I will get a chance to publish some books.
So after writing this I feel I have more clarity about my calling into ministry.
4 September 2009
My head is full again. (As if I expected anything less?)
I write this out for clarity for myself. In my written words, God does seem to answer me.
For those who read this, maybe you have some wisdom to share, otherwise, like Job’s friends, just sit there as I reflect out aloud.
I left the ministry in Dec 2008. I still regard myself as a pastor... without youth or a congregation. Each week, I write my Sacred Spaces and do hope they inspire someone.
I wanted to travel and see if I could follow other avenues that interested me. The Music industry: Managing a band or organising music events.
I didn’t leave the church because I was upset or even tired. The break has been good. I guess I left because I felt obedient to God to pack my bags and leave SA. I have been doing my best to go in God’s way this year. I’ve been praying about most aspects of my life and asking God to open doors for me, of where I should go.
I thought it would be good to do something where “my audience” (or focus) is not youth.
But, the odd thing is that for the last 4 months I have been working with kids at an Outdoors Activity Centre (God’s sense of humour?)
As the year has gone by I feel a call within me growing to be a pastor again.
There are many things that call me back to full time ministry:
-Rob Bell
For about 2 years now I have been reading books and listening to podcasts and watching DVDs by this awesome American preacher. I have enjoyed his wisdom and consistency. When I hear him pray and preach and hear what his church is involved in, in the community (world), I can’t help but feel called to be a pastor too. A minister of change
-Justified “To Live”
There was this Christian band that had a song called To Live...and well the lyrics draw closer to my call:
“So reach up and take His hand
And see Him change your life around
That’s all I want for you, is to live, to actually live.”
This God I love and so many others too...is for real. Its time to live for Him and show the world His grace and goodness and love...
-CS Lewis
I just finished reading The Great Divorce. There was a part on page 106. That just challenged me. What if I truly focussed on God? If I looked to Him... If I decided I want to do more of what He wants in my life. If I go now into ministry;
The line from the book is:
“But you and I must be clear. There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.”
-Death of Barry Marshall (recently)
Recently there was this pastor who died. When I was a teenager (19) I was inspired by the way this guy saw the world and how he involved Jesus in it. Because of him, I wanted to be a youth pastor and 9 years later I have been a youth pastor for 8 of those 9 years.
With his death, I feel I need to rise up again and lead His people. The world needs agents of grace. I can be that.
YET:
There is one big thing that stops me. And this is the thing that bugs me a lot.
I’ve been in many social engagements where I have been asked what I did in South Africa or what I have been doing in my life. And my response never seems to be a confident one.
I almost excuse the fact that I was a Youth Pastor.
I was involved with changing the world of some young people (and I still want to excuse it.)
It’s almost as if I am apologetic about working for the church.
I act as if my ministry made no impact. It could seem I am ashamed of Jesus. (I know that’s not the case)
YET when people ask me if I am religious, I reply with “I don’t like the term religious” and maybe try butter up (or smoothen out) what I did as a Youth Pastor.
I know I can see it: (Those who can’t are ignorant and rather stubborn.) The world is hurt. The world needs a clear truth. The world needs a Saviour. Why am I walking away from that?
You see this is where the delicate arrogance comes in:
Surely I should see my job as a youth pastor (minister) as critical. As one of the most important jobs in the world
Yes, the world may not recognize it, but they live according to one reality. A warped one
As Christ followers, it’s as if we live in 2 realities or more a merger of two.
And I have seen evidence of God. His created world speaks so loud to me. The diversity of beauty and people...
I never want to be proud of arrogant but I want to back into ministry when I am unashamed of my belief in Jesus and working in the church among young people and older ones too.
There are many pastors out there. BUT how many good (real) pastors are there out there?
And dare I to be arrogant, but by the grace of God, if I set my life and heart to this... I want to go with Him and change the world.
EXTRA:
A thought about my focus:
I thought it would be healthy for me to change focus and not work with teens but rather among adults.
BUT maybe I am fighting a call. As some are called to be teachers and work with that age group maybe I need to work with young people.
And maybe that adds an importance because I am with young people, coaching and inspiring them in their critical years of development.
And look through the bible. God used young people. (It’s almost as if I have this stubbornness to work with adults only.) BUT God can use me effectively with young people and in turn a whole church. So in a sense my little argument is rather pointless.
I am child like too and don’t want that taken away from me when I have to focus solely on “matters of consequence” (a reference to The Little Prince.)
A thought on other things I wanted to try:
1) Event Organising. As a youth pastor I will get to plan some pretty big things in time.
2) Music Industry. Who knows with God’s influence I could be involved with planning huge music fests.
3) Writing. With the avenue of the Church I will get a chance to publish some books.
So after writing this I feel I have more clarity about my calling into ministry.
An ode to Barry
So long Inspiration.
(Ode to Barry Marshall)
3rd September 2009
What to say?
I can’t pretend that we were very close
Never shared home dinners together
But maybe in Christ things are different
I remember a crowd 250 strong
And you standing in front
Saying we could worship God
Like the band; Sting…using “silly words”
So we sang: “na na na na na…
Every move I make I make in You”
Then on the steps of a dining hall
At a Youth Pastor Bash I recall you
Playing Dave Matthews songs on a guitar
There was something about the way you spoke of Jesus,
About our God, who has become more and more real in my life
Because of your outlook on life and ways of including Jesus in this life
I became a Youth Pastor… 9 years ago.
Thank you for being an inspiration!
Just like that, you are gone
Did you wake up that day knowing it was your last?
It’s sad to say goodbye
Yet in the non cliché way we rather say…
“See you later”
Death has no sting, it has no final say
It’s a sort of entrance way to yet more of His goodness
The world is hurt
The world needs good and real godly leaders to lead its people
With your passing, there is now one less
In my humble way, I feel a sense of urgency to serve God again.
To speak and serve in love and truth
Barry, thank you.
Changing Blogs
So today I have transfered to this blog.
Its exciting to have your own blog.
I do hope to inspire and encourage people through my written words.
I think blogging can be an effective way of "reaching the world"
A cup of coffee (or tea) and a little space to read some thoughts of us.
I have a simple motto for myself: "Live well and Live Inspired."
Thank you for visiting my blog.
Its exciting to have your own blog.
I do hope to inspire and encourage people through my written words.
I think blogging can be an effective way of "reaching the world"
A cup of coffee (or tea) and a little space to read some thoughts of us.
I have a simple motto for myself: "Live well and Live Inspired."
Thank you for visiting my blog.
Short Stories (The Comedy and Serious)
Short Stories (Comedy & Serious)
30 January 2009
I like to write and I like to learn from this life. We’re living in a classroom of many lessons and odd characters. We need to look out for the lessons and then to break the monotony of the lesson; we need to find humour too… here are some of my stories…
1) Answered Prayer (Laptop)
I was coming home from a weekend with my dad in St Albans. And on the way back into London on the train, I fell asleep. Suddenly I woke up in a fright, and saw that I was at my stop… I rushed out of the train and ran up the stairs, stopping dead in my tracks. “Ah crap, I left my laptop on the seat in the train”
Running back to the train, the doors closed; I was too late.
So immediately I went to the info desk and asked the people to please stop the train and get a ground staff to fetch my bag.
The question racing in my head: “What if someone steals my laptop?”
I was bleak. The guy at the info desk said it will take a few minutes for train to get to next stop. I was worried… so I just closed my eyes and started praying. I asked God to help me, let the world be honest, and you know what, while I was praying a gentleman came to me and said: “They have your laptop”
I was so relieved! I know you may want to call it good fortune, but that’s where I always give credit to our good God.
God answers prayers!
2) Eat the Rich
If it were a date, this would be such a classic disaster. A friend of mine, from SA, was in London on the past weekend. And well, her family had invited me for breakfast on Saturday morning. To a posh place called: La Fromagerie.
Rule 1: Beware of eating in places, where u cannot even pronounce the name of it?
I had gone out the night before and had got home super late, so was really tired, only had 3 hours sleep… nearly not enough after a night of party.
Rule 2: If on a date (luckily it was not) have enough sleep, because otherwise you act out of stupid mode J (wait I do that most of the time anyway?)
So, I don’t know… I’m just a regular guy and went with my friend and her parents to this place. On the way, the dad “hollered’ for a taxi (yes, I just used that word!!) and then the taxi came, and I wish you could picture it in my head… my friend got it, then the mom… and then like, heck where was I supposed to sit, I thought well in the middle of the mom and dad… then they felt awkward, luckily my friend, told me to sit on this fold out chair that I hadn’t seen… wow, how embarrassing!
Rule 3: Having manners in stepping into a taxi can backfire… its very man for himself in a cab, just jump in first!! Saves you from awkward situations
Then at the breakfast place without paying attention; I ordered this meal that was called “something” farmhouse breakfast. I thought: “Cool, some bacon and warm fried eggs.” How wrong was I! Instead I got this streaks of cold meat and 3 different types of bitter cheese…and like so much bread… for a possible army… and yogurt that tasted so bad… haha…yet I was super amazing at pretending (I think I did pull a face though) and ate most of the meal… the longest meal I had to endure… after 3 hours of sleep and a headache! Haha
Rule 4: Don’t order from a menu when you don’t know what the items are
Rule 5: Don’t take an uncultured boy to a cultured place… disaster!!
The end
3) Hair like spaghetti
I have only been in London for less than a month and I am sure I will see many strange things in time to come; here is one of my first odd encounters…
I was on the tube the other day off to meet some friends for drinks.
On the way there I saw this attractive girl sitting opposite me… and what she was doing was far from attractive… she actually reminded me of the brunette from The Breakfast Club (movie). She was pulling out here split ends and then putting them in her mouth, sucking them in as if it were spaghetti. Then she would swish it around her mouth a bit and then swallow. That girl definitely had some issues and a huge hairball in her mouth. God bless her too! J
4) And you can’t even give Him your free time? (You of little faith)
I have been unemployed for the past month. I have done a few things to find a job. I have gone online and applied, I have dropped off my CV. But have I prayed? Some people say that we should, put out effort in and look; and I totally agree with that. But we so often, leave out the supernatural response and favour of God. We act a lot yet we don’t even attempt praying.
I have had a lot of free time to have quiet times with God, to worship Him you know, and to read His word and discover Him, yet I opt out and do other pointless things. I can’t seem to sit at His feet.
Just thinking out aloud…
5) Incredible Dad
I don’t know who came up with it, but there is something known as the 5 languages of love. And each of us operates well in 2 of them. Once we know each other’s love language, then we can love them well.
So basically I know to serve and encourage my dad, is to love him.
I went to visit him, with a new mind set and in prayer. And the weekend was awesome for me and for him.
You and I, able people take a lot for granted. The things I helped my dad with made me realise how incredible he is when he does all this stuff on his own.
From buttering toast, to opening tins, to frying things in a pan, to folding letters and sealing envelopes…
My dad is recovering from a stroke that he had just less than 2 years ago… and he has no usage of his left arm and left leg. He is doing physio, and working on getting movement and life back into those limbs… but that will take some time.
From zipping up his jacket, to putting on a glove and riding his mobility scooter.
All this is done with one arm. You try living with one arm for a weekend, you’ll learn a lot.
I went to gym with my dad, and we had a freestyle (crawl) race in the pool, with one arm, and I was impressed, my dad swam pretty fast with one arm, keeping up with me.
Then to see him pull himself out of the pool unaided… was incredible.
My dad has chosen to be a victor and not a victim of his situation.
A Modern Christmas Tale
A Modern Christmas Tale
25th January 2009
It was Christmas Eve; the 3 of us were on our way home from a lovely dinner that we had with our parents (we had arrived earlier to dinner in 2 cars) that night and one of the cars had broken down. It was rather annoying… why did we have to have car problems on the night before Christmas…
It was a long time ago in Bethlehem, their feet were covered with dust; they were struggling to keep their eyes open; it had been an incredibly long day for them. She was pregnant and almost due. He wanted to provide a comfortable bed for her. She was so craving to her rest her weary aching body in a relaxing room. The inn was full; all the receptionist could offer was a dirty stable. The audacity of even offering that… their night before Christmas… the day before their son’s birthday…
Christmas Day, my brother and I were late for church and as we approached the service we saw that the car park was full and thus had to park further away from the church. We decided to take this footpath shortcut up to the church, it was overgrown with weeds and well we had to climb through all of that… and jump a wall to get to the church service. We wanted to go to that service, it was Jesus’ birthday and we wanted to celebrate that. We were determined to get there… to see and remember Jesus…
Shepherds heard about Jesus from some angels. They went to explore and see Jesus. Nothing will stop them. Jesus the King of the World has been born, why would they want to miss an occasion like that? Likewise in an extreme way, some wise men followed a star to know where Jesus was born. Both these groups of people would do all they could, even if that meant “having a little faith” to see and meet Jesus…
Our day of Christmas was an eventful day, from one thing to next; we were surrounded by people throughout the day, and as that day came to an end, I rested my head on my pillow and thought to myself, “what a day!”
Mary & Joseph, after a long day of visits from many people (and surrounded by farm animals) and after hearing prophecies of their new born son… as that day (Jesus birthday’) came to an end I think they possibly could have thought the same thing: “What a day!”
What happened after that day? Jesus’ birthday, well Jesus had another birthday and another one after that and so on and so on, until at the right time, God’s time… Jesus started speaking and living out the truth and love that God Almighty (His heavenly Father) had sent him down to show and share. He started when He was 30; so what was going on in those 30 years while Jesus was growing up? God was not resting; God was still reaching, preparing the hearts of Jesus, and of His people…
Christmas 2008, has come and gone…The January Sales have come to an end, people work on losing their Christmas weight gained… people go back to work and to school… and it seems as if Christmas didn’t even happen. What is happening? God is not resting, God is still reaching, and with His Holy Spirit and the gospel of Jesus (preached by ordinary people like you and I) still preparing the hearts of His people…
Up to now
Up to now
12 January 2009
Call this a journal entry, call this comedy, call this drama…or rather just dial prank phone calls and read on…
So now I find myself 12 days into a new way of a life, a new year, a new chapter and new observations about myself, life and faith.
I was falling asleep but had to get up and write this. This is no teenage “dear diary” because “Diary” would be an unfortunate name to have.
When I ponder my goals for coming to UK, I knew God asked me to leave my beloved country of SA to explore His world. Yes, this whole world still belongs to Him and He is everywhere, but how our finite minds tend to lose track of that.
Day 1: 1st Jan 2009… I find myself pondering in the airport waiting for my flight to Heathrow after having the awesome opportunity of getting out the airport and seeing the incredible infrastructure of Dubai.
I got to see some of the Dubai Greats: Fancy hotels, drove on one of the Psalm Islands and noticed the cleanliness of this wonderful Arabian country.
Comic moment: “My dear family and friends, why did you not tell me that I looked like a drug dealer wearing a beenie?” haha! But thankfully, the good God was on my side and the Dubai Customs let me out of their airport.
The words of POD came to my “my soul is alive and so are you” as I waited for the connecting flight.
Day 7, “choo choo” goes the train (cheesy, but you’re still reading aren’t you…) and I look out the window, it feels like I’m in a fairytale: the snow looks so pretty on the ground and on the roofs of some of the houses.
The day before I found myself declining a job, at the interview I knew God didn’t send me across the world to do a very similar thing to what I did in East London (South Africa) last year… because in that case, I would have gladly continue serving Him there.
So this is the “free falling” that Ken, my awesome minister and colleague spoke over me.
Classic, golf greens that are not green at all, but instead… all snowed in J
And I sit here thinking again (choo choo), all the voices of my caring and concerned friends… but God through it all I want to hear Your voice. Speak in that familiar voice of Yours please.
What do I do now? How do I feel significant in “this big machine of London” (quoted from a good friend)
Last year, each day (most of them, for real) I woke up knowing that my life was about making a difference in other people’s lives and now I feel “on hold” and trying to work this all out?
Yet this has only been 12 days of my life here… and I sense some dark nights of my soul… oh Light, light up that lamp at my feet, that you promised. Maybe my worth comes now not in what I do, but in who I am, your beloved child, yes, You still see me here on this road in this huge place.
I am the “wondering wanderer” that’s the words you spoke to my heart. I am here to know that my worth never came from what I did; I have come to live here, because you asked me to… teach me to trust, teach me to hold onto hope.
Picture Perfect: the oldness is pretty; the “deadness” of nature at this moment looks stunning and full of promise.
Day 12, POD lyrics are in my head from Saturday “Every day is a new day, I’m thankful for every breath that I take, I won’t take it for granted”
To survive, You and I will always have our time together, okay? You are my heartbeat, literally!
I look back, all adventures have a sense of confusion and chaos, and an element of fear, but… Oh my God, the views are so worth it, the friends who walk with us. Thank You!
It may seem so simple: but my friends bought me draws for my clothes, God, this hospitality shows that You are with me, and always going ahead.
Sitting in a pub, laughing with friends, a moment so worth it.
God, thank you for what is to come… The pain, the glory… each day… I want you to know, I will love you, I will talk to you and as I rest my head… I want to be able to say, I worshipped my Good God.
So to all of you (and I’m talking to myself) look for beauty in a world where a pee costs 30p and a loaf of bread is like 65p. (Either I have gold inside of me or that bread is really unhealthy? haha) Interesting times are ahead indeed!
Faith & Fears
8th November 2008
I’m in a moment now where I can breathe again. I’m in a moment where I need to reflect on my faith. As I get ready to put a coat onto my faith as well as preparing it for the exposure of the harshness of the conditions of the big monsters and weathers of life in the UK… how will I do?
Youth Pastors (what do they do? Haha) go thru ebbs and flows with their work load. Well, this week seemed to be one of my busiest weeks this year. With the start of new outreaches, packing and getting ready to leave my present home as well as the regular weekly commitments I was pretty busy. But I too, was busy in my mind. Thinking of the new chapter in my life beginning quite soon; the odds of getting a job and well; just thinking of being in a foreign land…
I’m excited for the adventure. But going with only limited resources, going to a new climate, new culture, new way of life, and trying to connect with my father, it all became very overwhelming and I felt rather anxious inside.
A bit of fear had kicked in! And then the good God reminded me of a simple word: faith.
“…the odds of getting a job…” Doesn’t He work far beyond and above the odds?
Is my faith real enough to hold on to the reality of who God is and that He is good to me, and that it is His plan for me to be stepping onto the plane and landing in a new place.
Today, I went for a surf and in God’s garden my fear was put in perspective and my faith was strengthened. While I was waiting for a wave; for the first time I got to see dolphins so close to me; like 5 or 6 metres away. And dolphins are like my calming animal. Was God calming my fear? Just know this, in God’s garden, wherever you may be in the world, is a sure way you’ll understand more of God. Whether it be waves, mountains or parks; let the splendour of creation remind you to hold on to faith in our indescribable loving God.
Faith is becoming a newer reality for me.
Faith and fear standing in a ring, sizing each other up… I decide to take a swing at fear.
By faith, I’m gonna see mountains being moved…
This Fast Pace
18 October 2008
If you have not seen the movie Eagle Eye, this thought may not make sense… but I write just to think out aloud anyway.
The movie is so fast paced. You sit on the edge of your seat the whole time wondering what is going to happen next. Where is the next place I need to go? What is the next sign I need to look out for?
The main actor wasn’t expecting to fall into this adventure. But, he had to act immediately and make sense of his role in the adventure along his way.
Just like the 4 children in the story of the Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe and also Prince Caspian (CS Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia)… they fell into an adventure they weren’t expecting. Through a wardrobe and through a vortex of some sort in the Underground (Narnian magic); they find themselves living an adventure that changed their lives for the better.
I guess I like adventure and often see myself in this huge adventure movie with significant scenes and moments and a crucial cast to my life in that specific moment or place.
I feel in my heart a scream for this Eagle Eye to continue doing what He is doing. And this Eagle Eye is good. His plan can be trusted. He won’t let me down. I feel secure in placing my trust in Him.
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know who I am completely. But as I lived this fast paced adventure I will learn more than I ever thought I would. And in the serene moments I will have along the way, I will cherish them and rest and thank those who have played crucial roles in my life’s adventure.
I want to live well.
Making sense never made so much sense
16 October 2008
76 days and I will be in a new country, in the New Year starting a new chapter of my life.
I like the concept that each of us live in a Greater story. And we have the privilege of getting to know the Author in glimpses and measures.
I feel deep inside that I was made for more. But I’m not saying that my journey to discovering that call has meant nothing. Each page, each chapter written, each town I have lived in, I pray and hope I have made an impact on at least one person’s life.
The impact… for them to know that the Author exists… And we can know Him. And that His heart is good. The heart of the Great Author can be trusted. And during our life journey as we turn the pages from left to right; we discover we can trust and love Him.
So I write to reflect, to unfold a story. I am Darrel.
I am a collection of flaws, skills, vices and virtues. I am who He has made me to be.
As I sit here writing this, I think of my life journey…
Growing up in Toti, an insecure boy in this big world; moved to Ladysmith, a judgemental boy trying to discover what is right and wrong and doing my best to teach others and show them who Jesus the Author is. I succeeded and failed in many ways. Moving to East London; I came having learnt from my previous mistakes. I feel I have grabbed hold of the reality of God and I feel I have grown in leaps and bounds in knowing who I am and knowing who He is. I feel alive, truly alive. I am Darrel.
And I hope I have made an impact here too. Even if it’s just one person; it’s all been worth it!
I have echoing in my head often a title of a poem “the road less travelled”
That’s how I have often felt here in East London. I march to a different drum beat. People don’t get me. Occasionally someone has; and that has been awesome. (The Author wrote that in the script at the right time. He always does.)
As I turn the page, I pause and skim through the pages that I have been living through here in the past 3 years. I have met great people. And have made some profound friendships.
Alanis Morrisette wrote a new song recently that I feel describes me; I am a citizen of the planet.
I do have friends, but not necessarily in this town. They are all over the country and literally all over the world. The world is my stage… the world is in my story. So hence my desire to see the world; my desire to travel… It grows in me… everyday…
Spiritually I know I have grown a lot. But socially I feel I have died in some ways. So I know the next chapter will involve that development… I feel I hear the Author’s thoughts… it’s a privilege that He gives us a glimpse of His heart. Everything matters, everything is spiritual. (That’s a whole other thought to discuss sometime)
I am Darrel. I am ready for the next chapter.
But as I face this last chapter in East London; I will live it, I will write it well… because all good stories, need to end well. It has been declared in a Greater story.
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